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Marriage Counselling – Are You Secretly Miserably Married? 

How Can Marriage Counselling Help?

 

Marriage Counselling can assist couples to work through issues and encourage connection despite the wants, needs and desires of each individual party. To support an environment of authentic communication and help the couple explore the possibility of having a mutually nourishing relationship.

Are You Secretly Miserably Married? 

Western culture would have us “swallow” the idea that marriage is meant to last forever, as in “they lived happily ever after”. As Robert Resnick (a prominent couples counsellor in the USA) stated – in the 1800’s that’s an easy commitment to make as the average marriage only lasted for 7 years!

Today our life span is much, much longer and the commitment is for a considerably longer time frame. The goal we all are told to strive for is to stay married. If you are still married then – success! The result of this mindset is that a lot of people are what Robert Resnick terms the secretly miserably married (or coupled). These are the many people who are sticking a partnering out for a variety of reasons including, financial, the sake of the children, because they don’t want to fail. NOT because their relationship is nourishing.

The myth of marriage is that “two people become one”. The problem is that with this concept of marriage there is no room for difference. This is a problem when it comes to the basic human dilemma.

The basic human dilemma

We all are led to believe that in society we need an ongoing connection with a significant other to give our lives meaning. However, in reality each of us from birth is dealing with the basic human dilemma. This dilemma is the need to constantly balance connection with the other while at the same time maintaining a sense of self.

How do we solve this dilemma in relationship with others?

If you break down the word relationship you will see that:

Re: Again

Lation: Connect

Ship: The ability to

 

So a relationship is the ability to connect – withdraw – connect again. The important thing to note is that connection is not a continuous process. In relationship you can come and go from intimate connection. In fact, in relationship the place where you meet is at the point of difference. That is, “I am me and you are you. We meet each other in the middle”.

What is the goal of marriage or long term partnering?

Robert Resnick suggests a more realistic goal for marriage or longer term partnering. He suggests that the goal should be to work towards relationships that are mutually nourishing, where both people show up authentically and are able to negotiate their needs, wants and desires. Robert Resnick touts that when both sides of the couple can communicate what they want and desire it is then possible to determine whether they are compatible with each other.

I’m Not Married – Can Present Moment Psychology assist?

Present Moment Psychology is also happy to work with those couples who want something different in their relationship but have not yet said “I do” or decided to commit for the long term.

We also have experience counselling same sex couples. Indeed, same-sex couples can be as bound by the myth of marriage as heterosexual couples….

 

Contact Rebecca on rebeccadallardpsychologist@gmail.com for more information.

The Dragonfly:

A Symbol Of Change – Change that evolves from self-awareness and self-discovery.

At Present Moment Psychology we love the Paradox Of Change –that is, the change which occurs when one becomes what he is, rather than when he tries to become what he is not. To notice ‘what is’ in the Present Moment.

Contact Us

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P: (08) 6107 6826 | F: 618 9200 5012 | E rebecca@presentmoment.com.au
Leeming, 6149 | Canning Vale, 6155