Valentine’s Day may highlight what you most desperately want but do not have in your life. You may be miserable in your relationship, in the middle of a separation or a single who has lost hope. Being exposed to all those messages about being “in love” can lead to feelings of grief about your relationship or current relationship status.
Be Kind to Yourself
With so much around these days about self-compassion and being kind to yourself – perhaps this day can be about your relationship with yourself? Take the time to notice your thoughts and feelings. You may feel angry, sad or disappointed. Many of us find it difficult to believe we are worth something and this day may remind us we are lacking.
The beautiful quote below highlights how you are unique on this planet and that may be a place to start. There will never be another you.
As the author of this article, I find liking and valuing myself to be challenging. I was profoundly moved by the above quote. Many years ago, during a dark time, I told myself “I was born so I am worthy”. This was enough to anchor me to life. From there I learnt about the ways in which I undermined myself and neglected my own needs and desires. One of the biggest insights I had was that – when I neglect to consider myself first I also fail to consider those closest to me. I also learnt that it is possible to negotiate certain things in life. Who knew?
I continue the journey to value myself. This currently involves communicating what is important to me to the people in my life. I like to imagine that win-wins are possible. It gives me hope.
What self-compassion may look like?
How you are kind to yourself will be as unique as you are. For some people, this looks like giving themselves permission to do something enjoyable. It may look like asking for help when you need it. You may engage in activities you enjoy or seek out the company of others. Self-compassion may involve noticing when your mind bullies you and choose to say, “thank you mind” and choose not to latch onto those thoughts. Others may allow themselves to stop fighting with their challenging thoughts and feelings and “just be”… to cry… to scream… to sob… to slow down. That is okay. You may also choose to forgive yourself.
Whatever thoughts and feelings show up for you on this day – consider creating space for them and celebrating the greatest love in your life by looking for opportunities to value yourself.
For tips to help you get through the day’s celebrations whether you are single, in a rocky relationship, in the middle of a breakup or newly in love – check out this blog on Valentine’s Day blues.
If you need help with the blues on Valentine’s Day give Present Moment Psychology a call on 1300 208 680.
Author: Rebecca Dallard
Feature photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash